How to Accept (and Embrace) Imperfection

So many of us strive for perfection in our lives. We aim for the perfect job, family, body, house, you name it. In aiming for perfection, we think that we will be happier and more liked by others. However, in the pursuit of perfection, we often add a great deal of anxiety and pressure to our already stressful lives. In learning to accept ourselves as imperfect, yet still worthy, lovable, and valuable, we can take some of the pressure off of ourselves and enjoy more of where we are in life.

The Pressure of Perfection

Life is filled with comparison. We see celebrities who seem to have everything we could ever want. Our friends on social media always look like they are so much more successful, attractive, or interesting than we are. We hear about people finishing school early, working at an esteemed company, or starting their own impressive businesses. In comparing ourselves to others, we often fall short. Our achievements never seem to look quite as noteworthy as someone else’s and we can easily identify every single one of our flaws.

In our goal for perfection, nothing will ever satisfy our expectations of ourselves. Instead, of celebrating our goals, we:

• Hone in on every way that we messed up (even if we didn’t really mess up at all)

• Hold ourselves to impossibly high standards

• Underplay our accomplishments (“Other people have done it, it’s not that impressive”)

• Berate ourselves for not doing more in less time

• Set a new goal for ourselves (“Okay that’s over, now onto the next thing”)

Do any of these sound familiar to you? Placing pressure on yourself to be perfect is quite common. So now that we’ve recognized that the pressure for perfection exists in our lives, how do we move past it?

Embracing Imperfection

At first thought, admitting that we are inherently flawed can feel like we are accepting defeat.

In viewing things from this perspective, the concept of embracing imperfection can lead to you questioning:

• Why even try if I’ll never be perfect?

• If I embrace myself as I am, what’s the point in setting goals or moving forward in life?

• If I don’t achieve ______ goal, I am a failure/unlovable/unworthy.

• If I don’t hold myself to these high expectations, I am sure to stop applying myself.

  
  

Following this perspective, we are likely to contemplate these questions and continue our pursuit for perfection.

What Embracing Imperfection Actually Means

However, embracing imperfection is synonymous with complacency. In accepting that we are not, and do not have to be, perfect, we are not throwing in the metaphorical towel on all of our hopes and dreams. Rather, we are giving ourselves the freedom and permission to chase our goals without the pressure of having the outcome tied to our self-worth.

In following this perspective, embracing imperfection feels like:

• Having the liberty to chase goals that you want to achieve for yourself.

• Using mistakes made along the way as part of the learning process.

• Knowing that you are a person of worth, love, and respect, regardless of your success, mistakes, or position in life.

• Accepting that while you may not have achieved every goal you have set for myself quite yet, you can still enjoy where you are now.

• Being able to recognize and celebrate your strengths and accomplishments.

The Benefit of Letting Go

Letting go of the pressure to be perfect can be freeing. It can feel like the weight of our exceedingly high expectations for ourselves has finally been lifted. This can help us to set out to achieve goals that we actually want to achieve, rather than ones we feel like we should. Moreover, accepting and embracing ourselves in each season of life helps us to enjoy our day-to-day experiences even more. Instead of always focusing on the future and pushing our happiness off until we achieve our goals, we are free to be content and fulfilled in the present moment.

Embracing imperfection is easier said than done. The first step is to recognize where perfectionism exists in your life. From there, reflect on those areas, considering why the pressure exists (Do you feel pressure from society? Do you fear abandonment or rejection if you do not achieve certain goals? Is your feeling of worth tied to this?). Consider what it would look like to embrace imperfection in this area of your life. Name and describe your strengths and accomplishments thus far. As you work through this, be mindful of times when you place the pressure to be perfect on yourself.

If you notice perfectionism impacting your life, consider reaching out to a mental health professional for additional support.